EMPTINESS AND WHAT IT TEACHES

December 2, 2011. Friday

     around 7:30pm, I and Jayn were in a drinking pub along Villa beach. Drinking time again. 'FRIDAY' night is spelled 'REDHORSE' or 'ADIOS MOTHER FUCKER'. That's how self-proclaimed drunkards like us define it. We are not alcoholic, nonetheless. We just love the 'atmosphere' of drinking. There we can laugh like no tomorrow, we can talk about anything... from pubic hairs to public and social diseases. That's how long our conversations can reach. The tensile stress of our mouths is limitless. Laughter at its loudest. Time passes quickly.

I and Jayn

UNTIL we were suddenly silenced by our mutual mood at that time. 

The pub was noisy... with all the remixes that could tear the subwoofers of any speakers in no time, still we could hear ourselves. We could hear that soft voice telling us we were 'empty'-- that something was missing. Yes, for a second, Jayn and I stressed our tear ducts. 'Manang, I'd like to cry', she said. Not a jiffy after hearing it, I would like to burst into tears too. 'Daw ka empty', she added. I never thought she would say something like that because she was busy fanning herself with the menu board while flirting with the handsome waiter who was sitting next to our table.

Behind our strong and gleeful personae lies a hollow body which succumbs to the need to have someone who could simply send a morning text message that says 'I LOVE YOU'. This is just an example.We needed something beyond that. Someone to hold hands with while looking at the sunset. Jayn and I

realized we were 'single'----- For a long time. We moaned for something trivial. As trivial as having someone in mind when you wake up... as petty as looking forward to meeting someone after work.... as simple as having a boyfriend. 

We are not complaining for not having a partner.

We are worried that we might forget the feeling how to be in love. We feel EMPTY. What about emptiness anyway? Is there anything we can learn about it? I suppose there is. 

Read........

There’s a saying about bowls. It comes from an ancient text, but maybe it’s just as applicable today (bowls haven’t changed much in that time…).

It’s about the fact that the absence of bowl is just as important as its presence. That the emptiness inside it is crucial to its nature. The emptiness makes it possible – is its essence, in a way:

“Mould clay into a bowl.

The empty space makes it useful…”

       - Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching

Perhaps there’s something to learn here…

So often, when there’s emptiness around, especially when it’s an emptiness of the heart, it’s tempting to try to fill it.

To stuff it with comfort food.
Or fill it with distractions.
Or cover it over with the boards of boredom and looking-the-other-way.

Harder just to sit with it and let it simply inhabit you for a while, perhaps…

But if you automatically cram the emptiness full and evade the anxiety that it can bring, do you also bury the lessons that it can teach? 

Perhaps, a little like the bowl, emptiness is sometimes part of our essence?
Perhaps it’s important to be ‘blank’ for a while? Resting, before you move into the next phase of your life.

Which reminds me of another expression that I’ve heard wandering some artistic circles: “the creative void.”

A blank space between projects, the creative void can seem like a vortex of nothing at all, at first. It can look like writer’s block. Or the drying up of artistic impulse. Or an absence of anything ‘good’. It can be unnerving and even frightening.

But from it, eventually, new and rich creativity can spring. If it’s allowed to just be empty and do its mysterious work for a while…

So how does it feel when emptiness comes to visit you?

Do you find yourself reaching for something – anything – to fill it as soon as possible?

What might it be like just to sit with it for a moment?

TALK TO YOURSELF.

------ GOOD NIGHT ------