What is Sad about Love? ...Sarang An Hae.

Do you know what's sad about love?

It's when you happen to know that there's just no hope for you being together yet you still make it work...

It's when your mind says let go but your heart holds on...

and most of all, it's when no matter how you try to forget the person you just can't because of the fact that you still love him/her and you just don't know why...

Try loving someone you've loved before and you'll realize that it will either lead to the same thing that happened before... or something better. Not hard isn't it?

"But why not try loving someone who doesn't love you back... it's either you see yourself giving up or dying daily..." -Grey's Anatomy

"If you love and get hurt, love more... If you love more and get hurt more, love even more... If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more... " - Shakespeare

The gauge of how much you truly treasure something or someone is not how happy you are with them... but how sad you are when you lose them... One grows distant from another not because of indifference but because of fear. There's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer.... :( A recognition of the tendency to fall deeply, and consequently drown in a quicksand of STUPID irrationalities...

Sometimes, what drives one away is NOT the absence of emotion... but the overwhelming presence of it...

Falling in love is never a decision -- always by chance.

Staying in love is never a chance -- always by choice.

... and Falling out of love is never a choice -- always a decision. (CLICHE as it is, but true.,)

Attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice.

Listen: Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen... We may meet somebody by chance... but loving and staying with that someone is still a choice.

JUST BECAUSE MY EYES DON'T HAVE TEARS... IT DOESN'T MEAN MY HEART DOESN'T CRY.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SEE ME STRONG... IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S NOTHING WRONG.

SOMETIMES I CHOOSE TO PRETEND I'M HAPPY SO I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER EVEN UNDERSTAND...

SMILING IS ALWAYS EASIER THAN EXPLAINING TO ALL WHY I AM SAD... IT'S NEVER THE TEARS THAT MEASURE THE PAIN! IT'S SOMETIMES THE SMILE WE FAKE...

A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes... while everyone still believes in the smile on your face... The person you love most has the best capacity to make you the happiest person in the world ----- and ------ may give you the worst heartache you can never imagine.

In life, I have done every way of fighting. Heard every painful truth.... Been in every heartbreaking scene, and felt dreadful feeling. I thought going through it all will then make me realize that i have to stop the fight at least to save a little for myself.... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY????? IT'S WHEN I SEEM TO BE SOOOO MUCH TIRED OF IT ALL... BUT STILL CAN'T QUIT NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS. AND I HAVE TO CONTINUE HOPING THAT ONE DAY... I'LL BE ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD LOVE ME NOT JUST "RIGHT" BUT "REAL"...

Love is like giving someone a gun... having them point it at your heart... and trusting them to never pull the trigger... I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go... It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have... Some of us say we'd rather have something than absolutely nothing... but the truth is "TO HAVE IT HALFWAY IS HARDER THAN NOT HAVING IT AT ALL."

I WANT TO KNOW SOMEONE WHO COULD EASE THE PAIN THAT I HAVE… WHO COULD HOLD ME TIGHT… THE ONE WHO WILL NEVER LET ME GO… TILL EVERY DROP OF TEARS THAT I HAVE HAD FALLEN… TILL EVERY STRENGTH THAT I HAVE ALREADY PASSED OUT…. THEN I CAN NO LONGER MOVE… AS HE LAY ME DOWN IN MY BED,… SINGS ME A LULLABY TILL I FALL ASLEEP AND WHISPER BESIDE… “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU MY LEE…”

.....Time may take us away.. space may keep us apart... rumors and hurts may break us down... yet no matter where life leads us... I'll always be here and i'll never stop CARING...

and tears stained my keyboard... sobs....

What's your Green light?! [ My view on one of the classic novels of the century (???)~ F. Scott Fitzgerald's "THE GREAT GATSBY"

         I'd rather watch a 4-hour long movie than read a less than a hundred-page novel. That's how lazy I am. (only if you call it total laziness *winks*) After a week of working like an intelligent English-speaking chatterbox, I found myself locked in my not so spacious room-- unaffected by all the noise and the nagging of my dear mother Ramona. Another Saturday to be spent at home. Yes, at home.

Upon spreading up my laptop to begin my "facebook'ing'" activity, I saw this book placed on the lid of my precious porcelain cup. It was big enough to cover it, though. (Well, I was so lazy to take it to the kitchen the other night, I just put it there even though there was a little milk left in it. That's why I covered it --- with a book.  heeeeeeeeeeee...) Okay, so what's with the book? It was given to me by my student Jena. I can still remember when I asked her if she liked to criticize others. She answered, "Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had." I was in awe. I never thought an upper beginner student could make a sentence like that. She smiled and told me, " Oh dear, I know you were surprised. It's just a quote from my favorite book, The Great Gatsby." Intrigued, I asked her if  I could borrow it. Kind as she was, she decided to give it to me. Yes, she gave me the book 'The Great Gatsby' -- the book which I used to cover my cup. Oh well. 

So, out of boredom, I carried myself to read this book. It's much better than watching a lousy-themed movie in a lazy afternoon. LOL.

More than a present to me

To pretty Lemuel... ahahahahah....

 

         I can't say this novel is one of my favorites. As what I have mentioned earlier, I am not a bookworm. Therefore, having a lot of much preferent books is out of the question. I only read when I feel like reading. I don't rush to the bookstores and grab the best sellers or wait for the book two or book three or book fifty of the fictions Harry Potter, the Twilight Series and the likes. I don't fancy them, they can't quench my thirst for knowledge anyhow. [that's my opinion, if you like reading those series, fine.]   

I didn't have the faintest iota of interest in neither era or lifestyle of the people in this novela. I just quite loved the fashion. So cabaret. The roaring 20's. So why did I read it to begin with? Well, because I wanted to give it a chance. Because I wanted to prove that what were said about this novel are true OR Fitzgerald might have just kissed the right asses to have his novel be acclaimed as one of the most read books of the century.. I've been surprised by some  books, many a times. I Thought this could open a new literary door for me.
 

Okay... ermnnn...Anyway, I think most of the novel is 'incomprehensibly lame'. Although the strings  of the lines were carefully constructed, I was never fully introduced to the root of the affair that existed between Gatsby and Daisy. So they were in love...yeah..I've been in love too, who cares? LOL.
Several times I didn't even understand where characters were when they were speaking to each other. I also didn't understand the whole affair with Tom and Mrs. Wilson.. and something about her husband locking her up over the garage...? huh? then she gets run over by a car, then he sneaks in through the trees and shoots Gatsby? wha..? still..why am I supposed to care about all this? I might not have been in the right  condition to read or maybe I was just plain sleepy. 

Nonetheless, there's one sure thing that I completely understood from this novel. I'm trying to be kind now. I promise. ahahahahahah... LOL. The Great Gatsby is a story of unflinching, consuming love. Although Fitzgerald has been hailed for his insights into the modern world through this novel, I think these insights are mere appendages to the main great story.

At the beginning of the novel, Nick wrote about Gatsby's "extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any person and which is not likely to I shall ever find again."

The first time Nick saw Gatsby, he recorded this distinct scene: "...he stretched out his arms towards the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward -- and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock."

The green light is from Daisy's house across the bay. A signal which gave Gatsby hope.

At the end of the novel,  Fitzgerald, through Nick, recapped: "Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter -- tomorrow we will run faster, stretch our arms farther... So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."  

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What about you? Do you have your green light? What gives you hope?

 

                                    ~Now there's a start for another interpretation...

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GOODNIGHT~

BUTIG vs TINIKAL (a repost from my old blog )

http://tacticalloner.blog.friendster.com/2008/10/hello-world/     <a repost from an old blog dated October 1, 2008>


      

       One boring Sunday afternoon, I killed my time watching "Showbiz Central" on GMA [ i'm not a Kapuso, though]. There was a segment where the host asked the guest celebrity “killer” questions. Like being interrogated, the celebrity looked like a subject for interrogation with all the straps coiled on his upper body and seated next to a polygraph  where the wired straps were connected. This segment is a real fun to watch. Once the celebrity answers the question, the  polygraph inspector  will raise a "truth or a lie" placard. Once the answer is a lie, the host will dance like there's no tomorrow with all the confetti and male dancers lifting and swinging him. He celebrates whenever his victims tell a lie. That’s his purpose anyway — to catch them lying. I wish I was him. I wish I could enjoy the rattling feeling of being told a lie.

            If lies were daggers, I could have died of stab wounds. Yet, here I am with eyes open, letting those side stories pass me by. Letting myself heal every time I’m stabbed. Ouch. “Medics, medics, I am so sick”

            Lies are like bubble gums. So easy to chew. Make a bubble. Then pop it. People can believe. Exclude me paahhleeeessssseeeee.

Lies come in different flavors. I know two.

                             

1.  The real lie and the white lie. 

                                    – Prevarication . A game which lie “puppeteers” master. Hehe… People who try to fool   the gullible. I’m no PUPPET. I know and I can feel when a certain person lies. No matter how hard they try to fabricate and pervert what is real.

2.  The so common lie + brag or the cock-a-hop style.

                                      –When braggarts do their bragging schemes, they are not actually aware that they have been telling and crowing the same stories again and again and again. Stories about wealth (of others ), accomplishments (of others), relationships with the elites “kuno” [ the famous and the infamous ]  I would be phony if I say  I haven’t chewed these gums. I have had. Nevertheless, not to the highest level.  Not even to level negative. Be real.

           

            Too much self-importance can also be the reason why people brag and bloat things. It also makes the listeners’ heads swell. I’m one of them. I need earplugs. Paahhlllleeeessseeeee again.

            Insecurity also can. People naturally fancy things which likely they cannot be or cannot have, so they resort to “deng dong deng” — Bhhhrraaging. 

            Stop it… stop it… It’s getting vivid.

            I haven’t asked an expert yet why I feel a little better when I catch somebody lying. Most especially when I have concoctions that a certain person is just simply L-Y-I-N-G. There is a feeling of relief even though I’m not told the truth. I don’t confront. I don’t need to. It’s the job of the conscience and “CLASS”– which I’m afraid some people don’t have.

~Love me, hate me, but don’t lie to me.~

LOVE NEVER DIES

  

This quote reminds me to stay mindful of holding close to best intention and remembering to take care of myself. 

The natural course is one of love - growing, deepening and persistent love that's source is ourselves not the other.  Being aware of my emotional state and being present enough to know what I need to take care of myself makes it possible to be available and open enough to give and receive love.
I sometimes think of the connections I have with certain people as being made of tender flesh and bone, mortal connective tissue, a strong and yet vulnerable body or personae who lives between us and has a hand on both our hearts. 

 

We can feed, pamper and nurture that body that connects us; like it's our precious child. If we're good caretakers of it, we will help it grow stronger with our ever present love and attention. If we know it's value, we will fiercely protect it from the dangers we know are out there (and within us) and that our experience has shown us will threaten it's health and make our precious connection less resilient. If we are mindful of our responsibilities and can stay close to the love we feel for each other, we will treat our connections like living and mortal things. 

 
Or we can ignore the precious nature of our connections, use the tender flesh that has a hand on both our hearts to lash out at it's weaknesses or mistakes. If we're not mindful of all the ways that our connection lives and breaths and grows as we do, we will push it too hard or too fast to be stronger than it's able to be; we won't let it grow strong enough and don't care for it well enough before we start testing it and trying to put it to work for us. We come to see the connection as a life raft, a support system, and infinite Atlas who will carry our heaven on his shoulders. We expect that the connection that exists between us is stronger than we are.

 
If we are not mindful, we will mistakenly think its purpose is to feed us instead of being nurtured by us. We will expect it to guide us and give us direction, we will call it names, blame it for our failings or our unhappiness. We will cling to its joyous nature, its wellspring of love and energy and assume that they will always be ours for the taking. We will act like it owes us something, like it has no needs of its own, like it has a bank account that never decreases. We will push and probe and test our precious, tender, vulnerable connection assuming that if it's real and true, it has to be strong enough it can take our beatings, our neglect, our lack of consideration, our stupidity and our selfishness. 

 
Too many tests, too many injuries and bruises, too much neglect and mistreatment and the connection withers and dies. Or, as is often the case, because love is strong and doesn't give up easily, it kicks and screams and wails for months and months, taking each of our hearts in its hot little hands and squeezing with all it's might to try to shock us back into being alive and awake to it. But when the pain of those last ditch heart shocks wear off and there's no hope left for recovery, it lets go and the connection is gone. As Anais Nin recognizes "love does not die a natural death". 



I THINK 'OUR' LOVE HAS DIED... IT DIED AND IT BURIED THE VOICE THAT USED TO SHOUT THE LOVE WE HAD... I AM SORRY IF WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO SAY GOODBYE.  




                                                       ~GOODNIGHT~