Prostitutes and Whatever There Is To Hash out~

September 16, 2011

L-R : I, Jayn, Mommy, Lesli Kay, Matmat (with K at the back)

L-R: Shayne, Leslie Kay, I, Jayn (at the back), Matmat

JAYN WAS ABSENT. T.T

Leslie Kay too was absent in the afternoon.

How SAD.

(now, it's 9:13pm and I'm damn bored... there's something wrong with my phone perhaps.... I only received exactly 8 messages today. 2smartload, 2 from Mommy, 1 from Matmat, 2 from Jayn, 1 from Yohann...

and a phone call  from Jayn which roughly lasted for 10 minutes.

Here it goes...

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4:50pm

Just 10 minutes before 5 o'clock but I'm off from work. This is not considered 'under time' when you are working at a language center, for  us, ESL instructors, we transfer our skills to the English idiots day by day, 50 minutes each session. Get it? Okay... so much on this, our free car pool was waiting to send us all home. 

5:45pm

Matmat and I reached Robinsons Mall. We dashed our way to Mr. Quickie to have her brother's shoes done. We left them there and we went directly to Afriques' and had our dinner. We feasted on overcooked Pasta el pesto and Chicken in a basket which was was slightly salty, the batter was crispy and a little half-cooked on the inside... LOL daw peach mango pie lang?!

Disappointed, we left no tip.

6:30pm

The escalator going up didn't work, so we had no choice but march our way up to the third floor of the mall and had refreshing iced tea in Chaiz' cafe. Puffed some sticks of  green/mentholated lung'ticide' (I need not advertise here.. duh), and played 'Jewel quest' on my phone as we waited for the shoes to be done.

7:20pm

We returned to Mr. Quickie and got the newly-shined shoes. They were as good as new. Matmat paid for them for only 50 pesos. Satisfying indeed. Next stop was 'Mr. Labada'. We returned for some dry-cleaned garments.

We hired a taxi to go home.

AND NOW MY POINT....

As our taxi traversed through Delgado street, a small house turned into a whorehouse (according to what I heard) gleaming with its hot pink neon light on the doorway caught my prying eyes. I sounded, "Shudafugs, bonggit nhe (Matmat)! ang babaylan sa sulod ho.... Jeya waitaloo sa customer kyor! Jeya temprano pa ma sikangkang! Hahahahaha" !(@#$%, the girl inside is waiting for her customer as early as now.) 

That scene passed, or we were the ones who drove past that scene. Either way, the thought about prostitution suddenly made me wonder. I voicelessly imagined being a "prosti." I tittered. I envisaged being in the prostitute's position. Would I make more money as I enjoy having sex with a stranger? Should I let myself frisked, mutilated, banged for tuition fee?

I don't pity them. I somehow understand why they have to do it. Can they still escape that 'degrading' situation? Some of them may just be college or high school students who lack money for good education.

In our dialect, we call someone 'Alpot', 'Bigatlan' when we mean 'Hooker', 'Bitch' or 'Sex worker', or Someone who enjoys having sex just for the fun it. We somehow forget that we unconsciously call even our dear friends with those terms, nonetheless. Yet it's for fun and no offense meant.

If someone says "Lee Alpot", even on FBchat as a way of saying 'Hi Lee!', it is just as good as them praising me for I think 'ang haba ng hair ko' or something like, 'I'm a bitch'. 'I'm in'. Snap snap.

Well, to justify my claim that society’s definition of prostitution is superficial, we must take a glimpse at the way by which it (by “it” I mean the society) judges things . In a society, there are sets of rules by which people abide. Those rules of course, are the bases for judging what things, or actions are defined as right or wrong, what’s moral or immoral. To separate what’s right from its opposite, a certain society takes into consideration at least two aspects; which are, first, religion (which is more widely used as it seems to be more consistent) and second, human instincts. The former, as I have mentioned, is more depended on simply because, through it, people are more simplified.

In any religion, followers are asked to follow their god’s teachings, practically for their own good. Religion is also the basis for discriminating immoral from moral. Take Catholicism as an example. We have the Ten Commandments that we are supposed to be wary of every day that we are alive. Relatively, a lot of people do give importance to the commandments. But why are we actually supposed to follow those ten rules? The answer to that is the same answer to the question why there are rules set in a society. There is a need for order. People within a certain community or what have you are supposed to live together harmoniously. That’s what the Holy Bible of Catholics say too. In essence, through religious rules, people get generalized. As such, society makes use of those rules to ensure that social order remains relatively intact. For, if human instincts are to be followed, things will just go crazy. That’s because humans seem to have a need to be individuals, and not just people. Which, in retrospect, brings us back to religion yet again. Individualism is, to a certain extent, erased through religious rules. That being so, society then incorporates these rules to keep society nice and pretty.   

Now that I have delved too much into society and religion, I’ll have to go back to my main topic. Prostitution. When that word is heard, people basically think that those who practice it are sinners; individuals who go against God and society. Being that they are sinners, they are considered immoral. But more than what society thinks of prostitutes, we must give more importance to how prostitutes regard their profession. Which is exactly my point. Prostitutes regard prostitution as a profession. And rightfully so, because, in all sense, they experience the exact same things that any ordinary “decent” employee goes through. They get tired from too much work. They treat customers as objectively as possible. They retire too, when old age sets in.

Hookers, gigolos and the like sell their bodies to acquire money, or anything equivalent to it. Or simply put, to make a living. In that sense, they are no different from anyone who works for money. Say, a bank executive, a teacher, or even a nun. In my opinion, prostitutes work also for the convenience of their clients and themselves. And that’s also exactly what employees or any moral person who works for money does. In essence, anyone who uses him self as a tool to acquire money is a prostitute. Only that, prostitutes and what they do are considered immoral, because they go against the flow, while professionals, jeepney drivers, et cetera are esteemed and regarded well because they are moral i.e. they stick with some social rules.

Come to think of it then, social morality is just a state of mind. It’s just there to keep a certain social order in place. However, in any society, there are those “groups of few” who go against the rules, like prostitutes. Simply put, the only thing that separates a businessman from a hoe is an impalpable social concept called morality. But are we sure that those moral people are really moral? Let me ask these then. How moralistic are employees who drown themselves in booze every weekend, or solicit sex in nightclubs or gay bars? How upright are call center agents who commit slow suicide by smoking every time they take their two 15-minute breaks and lunch, not to mention that they also mindlessly pollute the environment? How respectable are public servants who sit on their asses daily, doing nothing to better their country, while deliberately misusing public funds? Can lawyers be considered moral when they lie to get paid?

To call prostitutes as so is to excuse ourselves from our own immorality. Sure. Professionals are regarded well but only because society is biased and full of pretense. Social order is tantamount to hypocrisy. Isn’t hypocrisy immoral?

How moral are we when we do exactly what prostitutes do? As far as I can see, prostitutes are better than most of us. To say the least, they are honest. And compared to politicians, they know better who they need to serve. 

You, Do you know whom you serve?

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Rain, coffee, and tea...

September 7, 2011 (8:44pm)

my mind is like an empty street...

It's raining again.

After 8 hours of talking to and prodding students to learn the language they're dying to be fluent in, here I am, stranded in a coffee shop with my friends. Talk is cheap as what they say but coffee and tea are not. No choice, got to sip my iced jasmine tea, waiting for the rain to stop.

May Grace and Jayn

I and Shayne

Winner! Leslie Kay

My Family

As they are busy hogging their cellphones for games and all, here I am, in trance with my passion to exude what I have been thinking about since I woke up this morning.

MY HEART IS PALPITATING.

I don't know whether I really have a heart problem or I have a problem with my heart... I mean, emotionally.

YES. I suppose I have both. I need a cardiologist and someone who could save this ailing heart of mine. Where are you?

Too much drinking and a little too complicated relationships  could be the reasons why I'm feeling this now. Am I too overly dramatic? Or just an unlucky player who never knows who's bluffing and who's not. I might as well enjoy what is there that's happening.




>>>>press rewind.


RECURRENCE.

     "Like a benign tumor, being lied to can no longer infect me. I may let any lie pass but I may not forget."

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You lost me.....

*This goes to anyone who chose to let go and  chose to be safe enough not to get drowned in a quicksand of STUPID and Selfish irrationality...

and i say...

We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. BANG! We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person.

This is what love means… sacrifice.

It's 'human' enough to be suffering after letting go of someone whom you love(d) and thought you would love for the rest of your life. You may have given more than what the other has given you. You may have cried more for the pricking instances that almost made you numb because of the overflowing love for the other. You must have been stupid. You must have been giving. You must have been a person who loved truly. You were just you, or you were just blinded by the idea that true love can shy away and conquer everything that poisons the relationship...

We beg. It's normal. We ask them to stay, even if, even though,even when, although we know we look like a street cat coaxing  anyone who passes by. Truth is, we get 'kicked'... tsk tsk... only then we realize that begging them to stay is like asking mercy from heaven's gate and no one is looking down. Painful, isn't it?

Get a mirror. Look at yourself. Do you like 'YOU'? Do you like what you see? Darling, you are not a drama queen nor king, are you?

Stand up. Appraise yourself. Smell the STARBUCKS!

Deep in your heart, I know you are suffering, knowing that you lost that person. On the outside, you are living, pretending that you have already forgotten him (i'll just use 'him' okzzz? daw kanami lang.. this blog entry isn't gender sensitive anyway... LMAO) ... Wait... has it been years now??? It isn't yet. Therefore, forgetting is equated to pretending.. so it's fine. Let that person linger in your mind still. It isn't easy to just press 'delete' or hit the (X) icon... Remember, you are human. LOL.

This is true:

You were falling in love, but now, you are only falling apart. Nonetheless, you will never know true happiness,until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is, until you have lost it.

And these are what you ought to do. (super advise?)

Forget the times he walked by, forget the times he glanced at you and winked... Forget the times he tucked your hair behind your ears... (kun la ka buhok... teh.. imagine lang..)

Forget the times he made you cry or worse, faint.

Forget the times he spoke your name in its sweeeeteeesttt and in the most cheesy tone.,

Remember now You’re not the same. You are broken. Accept it. Never deny it. Because when you do, you are one hell of a rock!

And because you are broken, never let that person touch you. You are just posing danger to him. OR~~~ he won't touch you anyway... knowing that you still have those knife-like edges... TALUM!

Forget the times he held your hand for he is touching someone's now, forget the sweet things if you can, because it has turned sour now. Accept your lack of control. No matter how “good”, smart, helpful, giving, or sexy you are, you can’t control whether other people want to stay in a relationship with you. It's them, NOT you.

GOODBYES ARE REALLY GOODBYES! POTAH! lol...

AS what Gwyneth Paltrow said,

“The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends (or boyfriends for that matter)”

        

WATCH AND LISTEN TO THESE:

You Lost Me (Christina Aguilera)
Jar of Hearts (Christina Perri)

goodnight~

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COME AND SEE ME INSTEAD...

Where are you?

There have been a lot of questions flowing freely on my mind.. One of which is the most common among people who feel unloved due to the absence of a partner; “Where are you my soul mate?”  Duh… I don’t think soul mates   exist – or I am just too skeptical not to believe in it  for I’m bitter. 

Drop it.

After experiencing  and tasting the sweetest, the strangest, the boldest and the most painful love affairs with numerous bullshits, I have come to realize, there isn’t anyone who could fit my sides. I might be a polygon.

A polygon. With many sides.

Now, I'm single and have been so for quite a long time. Well, a month is already long for me for that matter. NOOOO…  LOL. I’m not counting those past love bullshit-affairs I had. They’re all ego-crushing… and the people involved. As what I was told, “You were happy, though.”  Yes, I was, yet short-lived. Even so, OKAY NA RIN.

Am I happy? [no one can answer me… I mean, you can; nonetheless, you might not know what or how I really feel.]

Growing old and growing up are rather different things. Have I grown up? In what sense? Have I grown old? It can be delayed. Haha. For the past years, my life has been so eventful except for my stagnant career. I have been too scared to put my feet in the water and try something new. Something fresh. Plans made, some fulfilled, most not. It’s been years of going inward to sort out all the internal turmoil that was eating up my soul. Now I think, relationships are not really compatible with this process, as they tend to put a lot of focus on accommodating to the partner's needs - which can be difficult when you don't know what your own are (where do you think arguments in relationships start?). However, with most of my problems now being worked through, it's time to move my perspective outward.

With gorgeous and happy friends around me, at work, outside, at the dining tables, all the pasta delights and lunch break buzz, my life becomes full and very satisfying and everything seems to be going the right way. Yet there are times I feel  as if I were at a cross-roads, a rough, depressing landscape behind me and roads of opportunity shooting in all directions ahead of me into the place where my potential will  unfold. What I do as a language teacher is deepening. I’m able to relate to individuals….to the not so brainy ones and  to the bright ones. Moreover, I'm becoming ever more passionate, seeing opportunities all around, warming up to the idea of discovering ever more facets of truth about myself and the world around me.

YES.

What's around me looks beautiful - the air is crisp and the sun high in the sky - and there's no one here to see it with me. Truth is, I'm lonely sometimes.

SIGH.

And the questions just start piling up - am I too picky? Am I not looking in the right places? Don't I go out that enough? Am I too weird? Do I give too much of myself too early? Should I try Internet dating? [promise… I haven’t done this. LOL....] Do I need to be more promiscuous and less idealistic? Do I need to drop my idea of One Love?

Maybe or maybe not. As for being picky, if I have to "lower my standards" to the point that I get together with someone altogether unattractive (speaking not only physically) just for the sake of coupling up, I'd rather be single! But I'm not meant to be - not at this stage in my life. And that has little to do with the expectation of society (which labels you a loser if you haven't got it all figured out by thirty - what a loser society), this is my need.

So where are you, love? Where are you, kindred spirit? I'm looking for you - and you, I bet, are looking for me - waiting to dance the dance of Eternity, together as mere reflections of the divine.

Don't worry, I'll see you soon. OR YOU SEE ME INSTEAD.

good night!

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MY SUPER GOOD FRIDAY!~

As an employee, working for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, a 4-day vacation is long enough to recuperate energy lost. Yes, the Holy week this year was well-disposed to people like me. Like the most, I also wanted to go somewhere, take a trip or be ‘holy’ in any case. Well I guess traveling might not make you as holy as you could be, but somehow it could help you reflect and repent (??? How???)… just a thought. This is how I do it. I can’t think for myself at home anyway. With facebook and movie files??? How can I?

drinking on A gOOD friday~! thanks to you!

Quaffing  a bottle of beer, (at the moment I’m typing this text), I realized that this is the first time, in my 27 years, (ignoring the earliest years) that I wanted to get plastered on a GOOd Friday. Forgive me, but I can’t help it.

The reason?

I AM DISAPPOINTED.

I was hoping to go somewhere with someone dear to me, but didn’t. Instead, I spent  my time wallowing in bed, which I have always wanted to do. I didn’t even bother to open the bible nor go to church. I felt like I was a very bad person.

Then I realized to think. Pressed rewind. I saw images of my past. Happy times with friends and boyfriends. Break-ups, goodbyes and all the ‘shits’. I felt very old. Fagged. I put my left hand on my left chest. Felt my hear beat, and asked, “Aren’t you tired yet?”. “How many times have they punctured you?” No answer.

If my heart could just talk, it would bawl at me. It would complain about being neglected. It would complain about getting hurt most of the time. It would punch me right on the face if it had a fist.

BREATHE.

I TURNED OFF MY PHONE. What a relief! I wasn’t able to receive unappealing messages. Messages that read “Delete my number!”  “Bye”… Why do some people find it easy as breathing hurting other people? I am sensitive. Sane.

REINCARNATION.

Yes. I believe in reincarnation, but not the changing into another form or rebirth. I believe it in a different sense. (who the hell cares about what I’m believing in, ayt?!) It is like being in a relationship with one person to another. Next one after the ‘ex’. Finding the perfect one. In a matter of days, a week perhaps or let it die in a minute and get another one. That easy.

I AM NOT BAD.

I like being good most of the time. I am sweet, but when I turn sour, you might as well like the ‘pickled’ me. Not the drunk one, but the sour one.

Good night~!

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And the burden became weightless...

"Yuletide season is at its last two weeks and instead of seeing  everything blue because of some misunderstandings and fights over 'pride' matters, I can see red and glittering lights of love and forgiveness..."  

After several weeks of being in the battle whether to be happy or to remain burdened [because of petty quarrels and word war... on text messaging and even on Facebook 'statuses'] I thought about forgiveness in relationships and it set my mind thinking. In definiton, forgiveness means the act of forgiving and to forgive means to grant pardon for, to grant pardon to (a person) or to cease to feel resentment against.

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.” — Robert Muller, Assistant Secretary - General of the United States

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi said it well when he said that forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. For most people, to forgive is a difficult thing to do. In fact to forgive, it takes a whole lot of courage to do it. However, why do we find it so hard to forgive someone? Is is because of the need to let the person knows that we are angry with him/her? Or is it because if we forgive that person, it means that the person wins?  Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that we approve or agree with what that person did.

Most people think that to forgive is all about the other person. The fact is when you forgive someone, you free yourself from anger; anger is a very strong negative feeling and it blocks you from loving.

“He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

“We cannot love unless we have accepted forgiveness, and the deeper our experience of forgiveness is, the greater is our love.” — Paul Tillich

Being angry allowed the person or situation to take over control of you. By forgiving, you are not only freeing yourself but also taking control of the situation and yourself. Being in control will give you the power to choose your reaction. Thus do yourself a favor today and remember that forgiving another person does not set him/her free but it sets you free instead. There is another point which I agree with , that forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself instead of something you give to another person. It is the best gift you can give to yourself and you can benefit greatly from it too. It is the best gift I received this Christmas.

 “Learning to forgive those who have attacked me has been a powerful tool in my life. When I harbor anger and resentment toward another person it only hurts me and I am the one who suffers.” What do you think?

Forgive those who hurt us, forgive those who throw inflicting spear of words against us, they need more love and understanding more than we do. 

A late Christmas Greetings to everyone~! I'd say, Happy New Year Instead~! 


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What is Sad about Love? ...Sarang An Hae.

Do you know what's sad about love?

It's when you happen to know that there's just no hope for you being together yet you still make it work...

It's when your mind says let go but your heart holds on...

and most of all, it's when no matter how you try to forget the person you just can't because of the fact that you still love him/her and you just don't know why...

Try loving someone you've loved before and you'll realize that it will either lead to the same thing that happened before... or something better. Not hard isn't it?

"But why not try loving someone who doesn't love you back... it's either you see yourself giving up or dying daily..." -Grey's Anatomy

"If you love and get hurt, love more... If you love more and get hurt more, love even more... If you love even more and get hurt even more, love some more until it hurts no more... " - Shakespeare

The gauge of how much you truly treasure something or someone is not how happy you are with them... but how sad you are when you lose them... One grows distant from another not because of indifference but because of fear. There's the fear that the hurt gets greater as one gets closer.... :( A recognition of the tendency to fall deeply, and consequently drown in a quicksand of STUPID irrationalities...

Sometimes, what drives one away is NOT the absence of emotion... but the overwhelming presence of it...

Falling in love is never a decision -- always by chance.

Staying in love is never a chance -- always by choice.

... and Falling out of love is never a choice -- always a decision. (CLICHE as it is, but true.,)

Attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice.

Listen: Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen... We may meet somebody by chance... but loving and staying with that someone is still a choice.

JUST BECAUSE MY EYES DON'T HAVE TEARS... IT DOESN'T MEAN MY HEART DOESN'T CRY.

JUST BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS SEE ME STRONG... IT DOESN'T MEAN THERE'S NOTHING WRONG.

SOMETIMES I CHOOSE TO PRETEND I'M HAPPY SO I DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD NEVER EVEN UNDERSTAND...

SMILING IS ALWAYS EASIER THAN EXPLAINING TO ALL WHY I AM SAD... IT'S NEVER THE TEARS THAT MEASURE THE PAIN! IT'S SOMETIMES THE SMILE WE FAKE...

A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes... while everyone still believes in the smile on your face... The person you love most has the best capacity to make you the happiest person in the world ----- and ------ may give you the worst heartache you can never imagine.

In life, I have done every way of fighting. Heard every painful truth.... Been in every heartbreaking scene, and felt dreadful feeling. I thought going through it all will then make me realize that i have to stop the fight at least to save a little for myself.... BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S FUNNY????? IT'S WHEN I SEEM TO BE SOOOO MUCH TIRED OF IT ALL... BUT STILL CAN'T QUIT NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS. AND I HAVE TO CONTINUE HOPING THAT ONE DAY... I'LL BE ABLE TO FIND SOMEONE WHO COULD LOVE ME NOT JUST "RIGHT" BUT "REAL"...

Love is like giving someone a gun... having them point it at your heart... and trusting them to never pull the trigger... I don't know why we all hang on to something we know we're better off letting go... It's like we're scared to lose what we don't even really have... Some of us say we'd rather have something than absolutely nothing... but the truth is "TO HAVE IT HALFWAY IS HARDER THAN NOT HAVING IT AT ALL."

I WANT TO KNOW SOMEONE WHO COULD EASE THE PAIN THAT I HAVE… WHO COULD HOLD ME TIGHT… THE ONE WHO WILL NEVER LET ME GO… TILL EVERY DROP OF TEARS THAT I HAVE HAD FALLEN… TILL EVERY STRENGTH THAT I HAVE ALREADY PASSED OUT…. THEN I CAN NO LONGER MOVE… AS HE LAY ME DOWN IN MY BED,… SINGS ME A LULLABY TILL I FALL ASLEEP AND WHISPER BESIDE… “I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU MY LEE…”

.....Time may take us away.. space may keep us apart... rumors and hurts may break us down... yet no matter where life leads us... I'll always be here and i'll never stop CARING...

and tears stained my keyboard... sobs....