Taking the fall, reaching the ground.

on L.O.V.E. and  R.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.S.H.I.P.

 
  I clearly define myself as a polygon. A multi-sided/angled individual. A crazy partner, a smart friend, maybe twisted for some. Yes I am, and I do not know whether I'll come into shape; or will be rigidly smoothed in time --- paradoxically speaking. Sad.

    I know I am capable of falling in love, be in love and to 'act' love. I am never bionic nor quite unattractively plain-looking. I believe I posses those 'half-charms' --- not those 'half-wits' of course. In the past years, I came to realize again that for the sake of having someone as a partner (as when the longing sets in), I would plunk in no time; get blinded by the murky waters of calf-deep love. Only to learn in the end that it was not something I ever dreamed of getting down deep. It was just something I had to ride on to my nearest destination --- the ultimate end of an infatuation-based love story. I tried to be firm, yet situation after situation, doubt after doubt, insecurity after insecurity were just a few of the killers. Serial love killers. And I, myself  let them commit such murder. :(

     I feel sorry for the person(s) I took the ride with. Nobody's somebody's scapegoat. I was able to pick up and keep love pennants along the way, and they were able to tell me things I have to avoid next time. Loving is equated to learning. I taught 'them' lessons somehow. I was their good karma. And forever will be it. 

     Should I be ready to take the plunge next time, I am sure I got myself tied with a harness --- a stable gear that will pull me up when things need a closer look from above. IRONIC, right? We get blinded when we try to look at thing in pointe-blanc. They get a little opaque. We get the larger view when we are a little far, then take closer steps to tick those small details that need mending, place things in order and mount them to forever in perfection.


Should I take the fall?

I do not know.

I am sorry.

....