The monks, my day, and love's crazy definitions~

 After 5 days of not having to go to work, here I am again, tapping my cranium and check the sanity inside...

 Yeah, my brain's still there. Still open to neurons. Can still distinguish love from hate... pain from pleasure..

 cough from sneeze... you from them...

   I from you.

------

 Earlier today, as I was walking on my way to the gates of Rungruangupatham school, I saw two young Buddhist monks walking ahead 10 steps from me approximately.I have always been amazed by thinking how these people live their lives. How could they bear walking barefooted  on  the asphalted roads baked in the sun? How do they talk? How do they spend their time in the bathroom? How do they see us? How do they see the world? What can they say about falling in love?

And then, I totally recalled the article I read years back, 'Notes from the Temple'. There were some chapters about love and blah blahss. (I did not talk to the monks as what I implied on my facebook status earlier... I just had a conversation with the idea from the article)   I just couldn't remember every line from the notes but it was like this...

Cliche as it is that loving is more on giving...

so when everyone gives, then everyone should receive. It's only about probability.

You're fortunate if your actions are requited, if not, don't give up on love. You're not at the losing end anyway. You can't lose something which is in your nature. It's always there. Nonetheless, never forget your essence... love yourself too, because you yourself is part of this universe. If there's no one to love you and care for you, who will?

----- and my reply:

 yes, it's in my nature... it can run dry when I myself can't nourish it for Im occupied by the task of nourishing others' existence..... and the monk (from the note) replied, "You are human... you tend to get swayed by too much affection for others... once you have reached your ends, you can always fall freely and get lost or you can take a tighter grasp... it's always your choice... choose the deserving if you aren't blind to see and numb to feel whether your actions are requited... or not."

.....and i walked away smiling and realizing...

-------------------

yet Love has a lot of definitions...

   Love is nothing. Love is everything. Love is the light that shines from every recess of your heart, or it is the darkness that extinguishes that light. Love is a mended heart. Love is a broken heart. Love is passion. Love is lust. Love is desire. Love is family, friendship, and romance.

Love is everywhere. Love is nowhere. Love is pain, sorrow, longing, and suffering. Love is joy and happiness, pleasure and delight. Love is the tears in the middle of the night. Love is the arms wrapped around you, keeping you safe. Love is a kiss. Love is holding hands. Love is a smile. Love is the shining in one’s eyes.

Love is kind. Love is cruel. Love is just. Love is unfair. Love is roses of deepest red, the night of deepest blue, the wind, all around, the deepest oceans and seas. Love is sin. Love is virtue. Love is forbidden. Love is encouraged. Love is sought after. Love is lost. Love is what comes to you when your heart is open. Love is what made you close it in the first place.

Love is a mother’s hand stroking her child. Love is a lover’s hand stroking his beloved. Love is feeling the warmth of another. Love is the cold when that other is no longer there.

Love is sacrifice, compromise, and understanding. Love is valuing someone’s life over one’s own. Love is a fairytale. Love is a nightmare. Love is stupid and foolish. Love is wise. Love is a memory of better times. Love is the desire to make more. Love is confusing. Love is crystal clear. Love is beyond death, beyond everything.

Love is light. Love is fire. Love is in the pulse of the earth and the crash of the waves. Love is the stars, the moons, the planets, the universe.

Love is loyalty. Love is trust. Love is free. Love always comes with a price. Love is forever. Love is fleeting.

Love is bullshit. Love is the truest form of magic this world has.

Love simply is.

still I DON'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. 

SHOW ME.

PLEASE.

good night!

-lee.

----

GROW Kid! GROW!

Just (soooo) recently, I was perusing the the 'wordweb' dictionary application on my iPhone because I wanted to see what it said about this word “understanding.” Some synonyms shared were: comprehend, absorb, appreciate, identify with, empathize, be familiar with, and value.  And in the context of personal growth, to understand is to be willing to empathize with others, be in tune with our emotional selves, and to value individual differences – even when we don’t agree with them. Thus the process of understanding involves a high level of mental, emotional, and spiritual awareness. 

(Wait, s p i r i t u a l  awareness?)

iS it you? or is it me? 

There are just things which are difficult for me to understand people, their behavior, or their body language, responses, or the way I react to their stimuli that make this whole crazy thing that cause a 'slightly' burdensome feeling in my chest?? Or, is it just me who sets multiple choice answer sheets?! And then, by just moving away from reality I placed myself again on the bed, leaned against the wall, kept quiet ( as I had to for my roommate was still asleep --- and snoring LOL! sorry Matmat. ) and opened this netbook and just searched for some good reads online ( since English books and bookstores are on the verge of disappearing here in BKK) Hahaha... no.... I mean, I couldn't find any good commercial libraries here. (Not to mention that this kingdom will host the World Book 'eklaver' this year. I'm like... huh?  ?Seriously? Well anyway, on the other side of the world wide web's superficiality, I came across a 'Psychology' webpage and right there and then I read on. A much better therapy than reading one-liner messages or stupid people's FB posts and tweets and innuendo comments and likes. Oh, I just miss reading maybe... but I'm not the type that would scream like... hey! I have read Harry Potter 1 - 167890! or OMG! the Twilight Saga makes me kilig much...or... the 234,678,904 shades of Grey.. Duh... I read to learn 'something'. Not just to tickle my prostate gland and reach orgasm.

So much for ranting.

Okay, so, to comprehend, we use our mind, to empathize, we use our emotion, and to appreciate, we must tap into our heart (which houses our spirit). When one or more of these perspectives is under-represented, it is a challenge to have understanding and when all three converge, we experience peace… and authentic understanding. We live out what the psychologists refer to as 'Growth in Motion™!!'

Growth in Motion™!! = Self Care + Self Empowerment + Self Knowledge + Self Direction

Throughout my life – starting even before college – I can think of many opportunities where I had to choose to understand situations I’ve been going through or to view them as the other person’s problem. Many times, I decided that it was the other person’s problem. (YEAH) More often, however, I decided to make a huge effort to dig, excavate, or get underneath and “understand” what was actually going on in an objective way. Most especially while I was in a relationship with some 'bullshits' before. (now i'm coining 'bullshits' as 'ex-boyfriends'... who chose to break my heart.. (or otherwise) EVIL laugh. This has cost me a lot of restless days and nights, tears, and sweat over the years but after having experienced life in this way,  I think I’ve grown (just a minute ago?!) to appreciate the upsets, arguments, and misunderstandings from a perspective of insight and WISDOM. And in viewing life from this perspective, I KNOW I'll  experience a lot of personal growth and understanding. (So don't worry, my brain's not the lizard's)

Take care of yourself in a way that helps you experience a better understanding of yourself. A few ways to do this are to answer the following: [ which i think is helpful ]

What I appreciate about _____ is ______. By completing this exercise, you will begin to reveal a sense of gratitude for the people, places, and things in your life. By focusing on what you appreciate, it lightens the load of the problems or circumstances that weigh you down, like your argument with your boyfriend last night! Those petty misunderstandings that you think of them as crimes. The moment that you react like he killed your entire family! lol.  It also helps you to becoming more accepting of others and their differences.

What makes me happy? To prepare yourself, find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed. (the bathroom?! lol) Then, take several full and deep breaths to help relax your mind and body. When answering this question, allow whatever comes to mind and express it on paper, even if it appears to be unfamiliar (only when it comes in handy, well... i have my notepad function on my everrrrr functional iPhone! ). I have found that this exercise can bring up some ideas and things that have been buried for years! For example, I forgot just how good I feel when I jump rope! As a result of completing this exercise, I have returned to this fun childhood experience or even... playing CHINESE garter! I also discovered that I enjoy writing and use it for healing and self expression.  Yeah, that's right... that's what I'm doing now. I feeeel much better. Or I'm just so into alphabets! and not into... hey.. welcome to the Twitter world! Find out what's happening to the people and organization you care. Like... Duhhhh? I follow you, you follow me.. oh..! we're celebrities! or.. hey... lemme see the latest sex scandal! Then share the links. Is there anything better you can do people? i have these accounts and thanks to them, I CAN COMMUNICATE easily and I can laugh, too. (sarcastic grin).  And after this particular writing session with myself, I decided to create this blog entry! So, get your paper and pen and allow your creative juices to flow! (Note: if you don’t enjoy writing, get a tape recorder and speak into it or if you prefer to draw or sing, take out your color pencils, paints, or recorder and have fun!)

Remember to spend time alone with yourself – yes, that's why i'm going to the temple now and lay myself next to the great reclining Budhha~! or to a Hindu Temple perhaps?– 

Hindu Temple, Batu Caves

to gain a better understanding of your likes, dislikes, and what really makes you happy. You will feel more compassion and internal peace. You might be surprised at how much more you enjoy the rest of life.

Take Care of Yourself.

sawadee krap!

--Lee.

~o0o~

a Note from a Rabbit Hole~

I've been in a very reflective mood during the past few weeks. I get this way sometimes but it's always predictable that it will happen at this time of the year. As you grow older, you might learn that once a year at about the same time, you get reflective too.

Overlooking the vastness of Metro BKK

If you've done a fairly good job of living your life, these times aren't too upsetting. If you've made a few mistakes, it's mostly okay.

If you've made a lot of mistakes, you go down a deep, dark rabbit hole that's hard to find your way out of.

I often find myself down that rabbit hole around the end of July --- my birth month.

It's important to keep looking forward in life, but that's not always easy to do. Sometimes you can't help but look back. If you've screwed back a lot, those looks back can be pretty painful.

The best way to avoid this kind of narcissistic, self-flagellating navel gazing is to make good decisions in the first place. That's not always easy to do, but it's possible. I've discovered that when you are facing a big decision, somewhere deep in your brain or in your gut or whatever, you know what the best decision is... unfortunately the less deep parts of your anatomy have a lot of skill in taking your smarter bits into making stupid decisions.

just the three of us. <3

after the 12-hr train ride from Kuala Lumpur  to Hat Yai, Thailand.

.

Realizing that my life was stagnant, my 'work-life' that was, I decided to take a step away from my comfort zone. Literally, it was a step away but not really that far, since BKK isn't far from the Philippines. ^_^ --- but the important thing was, I did it. Together with two other friends, Mark Lester and May Grace, we decided to leave the country to find a more challenging life in a different place. Leaving behind the easy-go-lucky life back home. Leaving behind the nights of coffee, tea or beer in the most familiar places where I was a habitue. ...

Now that I'm here, surrounded by skyscrapers and condos everywhere, I feel like I belong. My system is slowly adapting to this new kaleidoscopic life. Catching bus rides (some are free :)  ) and bask in  free wifi signals all over the metro. 

Metro Bangkok at night

One night at the highest sky bar in the world (my 30th birthday) -- SIROCCO

the Golden Temple near Khao San Road, BKK

 Sometimes it's enough to make you want to take a hat pin to your pre-frontal cortex. I mean, why not? There are lots of people out there who seem to function fine with just their lizard brain to guide them. They're probably a lot happier.

I know I'm probably not making much sense right now, and I apologize for that. What I, as a 30-year-old person, have to tell you, is to make the best choices you can. Don't discount your gut feelings, intuition and first impressions --- they're often right.

We humans evolved those traits over a thousand of years because they help us survive. It'S that part of the brain that keeps us from eating poisonous things, jumping off of high places and trying to snuggle with wild animals. Those are the skills that you need to survive in a hostile world. Mind you, there are people who insist on doing stupid things, but evolution tends to weed a lot of folks out over time.

----But there are a lot of folks who don't listen to those inner voices that keep us safe. They're the ones you find splattered on the pavement from time to time --- either literally or figuratively.

So from the depths of my rabbit hole in this reflective period, let me offer u this bit of advice: Listen to your gut from time to time. that might just keep you from having your guts splattered all over the pavement.

walking home from work <3

or maybe not. what the heck do I know, anyway?

                                                                                                          ---lee.

~o0o~